We were recently gifted a $100 dinner for organizing a hot dog eating competition at work. The only answer to gluttony is of course, more gluttony. Deciding where to dine was tricky, and ultimately instead of going to a nice restaurant where we would be able to eat like normal people, we opted to go to a mediocre restaurant and live like kings.
We enter TGI Fridays with excitement knowing that their world is at our fingertips. We sit at a table in the bar area and are promptly (that’s new) greeted by our server.
Before we are completely seated, Laine orders two of the soft pretzel appetizers, so we each have one to ourselves.We peruse the drinks menu.
The waitress tells us of the daily specials – you can keep your $3 margaritas, tonight we are living large and are seeking the most delicious drink possible. We find a picture of pink fruity margarita and an equally beautiful mojito. Decision made. We order by pointing excitedly at the pictures.
The waitress asks if we want waters to accompany our drinks. We decline. There is only so much room, none of which we have delegated to water.
Scanning the menu is a terrible burden. With great power of ordering comes great responsibility. We know better than to order a salad, but the extensive options weigh heavily on our minds.
We finally decide to order apps to share; mozzarella sticks, potato skins, and burger sliders. We place our order and keep a menu just in case.
Our drinks arrive. They are magnificent and also quite a bit larger than anticipated. Aces.
The pretzels arrive soon after. We had not bargained that each tray would contain 4 large greasy monsters. Some would say each tray would have been more than enough for one person as an entire meal. THIS IS WHY THEY MAKE TO-GO CONTAINERS. We are not afraid.
As we finish our second cheesy pretzel the array of dishes arrives. Our table is dwarfed beneath the multiple plates, and we dive in with glee.
The potato skins are disgusting, and thus shunned to the far edges of the table.
We are now a little afraid. The amount of food is staggering, and we struggle to eat our way through any of the plates.
The waitress laughs at us. We would hate her, but she’s been kind enough to bring us all of these treats, so we smile back.
Take away boxes arrive and are piled to the brim. We feel slightly uneasy, but know one thing for certain: cheesecake please!
We cannot in good faith order our beloved cheesecake without an accompanying dessert beverage. Laine orders the Godiva chocolate martini. Grace orders a Jameson & ginger to see if the aversion to Jameson has been dispelled (thanks for nothing Ireland).
It has been. Sweet relief.
As we meticulously clean the cheesecake plate we are filled with many emotions: Pride. Fulfillment. Self-Loathing. Nausea, from mixing so many varieties of deep fried grease and booze.
We part ways from the TGI Fridays. Laine goes home, feeling awful and queasy for the entire evening. Grace leaves to have an unsettled evening where cleaning the grease off her fingers is a real thing.
We have learned a great and tragic lesson: $100 worth of TGI Friday’s food is far too much.